The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .

But when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in city locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and browse around these guys it needs to be there for the collaboration check out here to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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